A father walked into his young son's bedroom while the boy is sleeping, and he's overcome with guilt and shame.
He's been hard on the boy all day…
Scolding him for being sloppy, for his table manners, for grabbing at things, for interrupting.
Constantly being critical.
The boy had run up earlier that evening to kiss him goodnight, but the father kinda brushed him off.
Then later that night…
Standing over his sleeping son in the dark…
The father is hit with the realization that he's been measuring a little boy by the standards of a grown man.
He sees that the boy is still so young, so good-hearted.
He came to say goodnight despite his dad being critical.
The father quietly kneels by the bed with tears in his eyes, ashamed, and resolves to be a better.
A gentler dad.
To laugh with him.
To remember he's just a child.
To stop the constant fault-finding.
That was from the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie.
Carnegie includes a piece at the end of the first chapter (the chapter on not criticizing or condemning) called "Father Forgets."
The whole "Father Forgets" piece is about a dad realizing he's been so busy correcting that he forgot to connect.
And that hits almost every father in the chest.
I know it did for me because that has been me at times.
My stubborn, adventurous, big four-year-old boy “acting out.”
But when a man is depleted, his patience is the first thing that goes, and that man was me looking at myself in the mirror.
My tank was low. That's not an excuse.
It's a self-diagnosis.
So what I released a few weeks ago is that instead of always trying to correct him for “not listening”, I need to first do this:
Get some sleep, work out, and refill my own tank.
Remember…I’m the mirror. Connect with him.
And sure enough…
One out to the movies day with Dad…
Some extra daily play and wrestle time together…
The last few nights of bath and bedtime went pretty smoothly.
When I would tell him something, he did it.
When I said time for bed, he said. “Let’s go Dad.”
Ahhh.
That felt much better and I made sure to let him know how much I appreciated him listening to me that day.
We’ve all been there…
We have work and business deadlines.
We have bills to pay.
Light on sleep.
Missed another workout.
Pick yourself up.
Dust yourself off.
Look in the mirror and take a deep breath.
And repeat after me…
“Connection over correction”
Our kids aren’t keeping score.
They just want to be led.
In your corner,
Greg
P.S. Please share with a dad who needs to hear this. Thanks!
